things on my mind...

Today: I woke up and thought about...in no particular order.

1.) chocolate milk. this is pretty much the ONLY thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.

2.) coffee. mmm. I got new coffee yesterday and have been desperate to try it out.

3.) breakfast. the fact that I only had oatmeal to eat. and I wanted a donut. specifically a gibson donut. but I also want to fit into my jeans this winter so whatever.

4.) can't tell ya.

5.) why we like who we like.(which has been on my mind since a conversation from last night)

6.) why do we like them even when they make us want to scream?

7.) why don't I have a real job?

8.) I'm hitting snooze.

point is-I think my next blog will be on why we like who we do. not that I have an answer,but do I ever? so stay tuned my friends...and also please...check out my niece Lyla in her very first pair of Keds. yea,she's presh!

little slumps

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in situations that are quite 'foreign' to us. This has happened to me a couple of times and each time I seem to make it through. That's what gives me hope that I can make it through just about anything.

There was this one time when I was waiting on a friend to meet me in Rome to begin that once in a lifetime adventure I have mentioned many times before. She was coming the next morning, my other friends had left 3 days before and so I was in a foreign country without anyone I knew. Now,there are shabbier places to be than in Rome in this situation,but when you feel alone,you feel alone wherever you are.

So I got back to Rome late at night from another adventure. I found myself without a hotel and without a friend to commiserate with. So I moped for a few minutes,got homesick for a few more, then gave myself a pep talk and ventured into the Termini 'information desk.' to try and help myself. To say there was a language barrier is putting very nicely the fact that 'there was no communication between the 'night helpers' and myself. NONE. WHATSOEVER. So I ended up in a sketchy part of Rome by myself in a hotel.(is there a sketchy part of Rome? apparently so!) Actually in the daylight it didn't seem so sketchy-which,as I've mentioned before-many places and situations look different with the morning light. I checked in around 10 and figured out that I was STARVING. Not the kind of hunger you can sleep off, the kind that growls at you until you find something to put in your stomach. Hey,I was in Italy-no need to skip meals. So I got dressed and then I cried. I don't know why. My very best friend was coming the next day. I was in ROME. But I just wanted HOME. I wanted my dad to act like I was the most important thing on earth(which happens at home),I wanted my mom to scratch my back and cook me dinner. I wanted my brothers to tease me. I just wanted HOME. Again, the peptalk. So I made myself leave my room with red,splotchy eyes nonetheless. I ran into a woman in the ever so sketchy European elevator in that hotel. She could tell I was upset, and she could tell I was American. Just my luck. So was she. We talked for a minute,I explained why I was upset and she insisted on taking me to dinner. Now,there are people-MOM FOR ONE-that would say that you can't just haul off in a foreign country to dinner with someone you don't know. She was a woman that happened to be about 20 years older than me at the time and call it woman's intuition...I just trusted her.

So I followed her out of the elevator,out of the hotel, and into the nearest trattoria. She talked to me about my where I was from,what I was doing here, and why on earth I was crying in Rome,Italy. For that night, and that meal she provided comfort. She listened like I was the most important person to her at the moment and she fed me. What more could I ask for? By the end of the dinner we were laughing together and talking about celebrities. fast friends. After this was all over, we walked back, said goodnight,I thanked her and I've never heard from her again.

But I can't forget her. Because I remember how sad I felt that night. I remember how homesick I was and then I remember that she changed that. Just by being there. By listening. and by being hospitable to me.

These are the stories from my Italian adventure that I don't share with many people. Why? Because I'm Mary. I'm strong,independent and I am happy all the time. I don't need to be comforted. Oh,but I do. Everyone does.

Well,I found myself in this particular situation again a couple of weeks ago. I ended up at my cousins this time. And she did the same things. She comforted me,gave me food,a place to sleep and an eager listening ear. I'd like to say I woke up that next morning feeling much,much better-but truth is-I didn't.

I wanted my mom. I wanted my dad. My dog. My brothers. My couch at home. And my younger years when I had them all around me assuring me I was gonna be just fine. Because I will. This is only a little slump. And they can't be here. I'm 26. we're spread out. And though I know that my parents would drive down here tonite if I really needed them to-I don't really need them to. Because I have a family here. And I think it takes situations like this to realize that I do. Maybe they didn't birth me. Or maybe they don't tell me they love me all the time like my parents do-but I know that they do. These people would and actually do anything for me.

They invite me into their homes for dinner. They invite me to do fun things. They call to check on me. They give me hugs. They buy me toilet paper. They take care of me when I'm not feeling well. They pray with me and for me. They are there. Through the happy times and the down times. And if I'm just 'strong' enough to show them my red,splotchy 'marys not so happy right now' face-then they step right up to the plate. The hardest part for me is just being vulnerable enough to let that side show.

But once I do,it's like...indescribable. This family of friends I've got here just steps right up to the plate. By making me laugh,letting me cry,taking me out,and just being around. Or not around. Whatever I prefer. They are my 'people.' And my people are good. good people.

So,I'm feeling better now,I'm out of my little slump...for now. But when it comes around again and I know that it will-I will also know that my blood family and my friend family are right here waiting to step up and lead me back into my happy pants!

all I've got for now...

sorry that I plagiarize!! give me a few days!! :)



Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio:


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good..
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God.. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about..
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29.. Time heals almost everything.. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back..
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

under construction...

In my 1st grade classroom last year I had many students on many,many different levels.
There were many times I was so excited to see when all my hard prep work payed off and a student really 'clicked' with what I was trying to teach. And then there was the frustration. The frustration of them not getting it. Or not even seeming to care. And when you are a teacher, you can't act frustrated. You have to be poker faced most of the time. You have to keep on smiling and keep right on working. I was talking with some teacher friends about this not too long ago and one of them was so very kind to point out a very obvious truth. Just because I don't see the benefit of after school tutoring right away-doesn't mean it isn't gonna help somewhere down the road. The strategies I was teaching that seemed to fall by the wayside-well they may just come back to these students in 2nd grade when a lightbulb flashes on. Or it may be 3rd. Or 9th. Or college. Point is, I just may not get to see the results immediately.

But, I want to see them right now. I want to know that I was the teacher who made the difference. I want to be the ONE!!! Wait Mary...be patient and be selfless. It doesn't always work that way. Blah to that! A lot of times it's many teachers investing lots of time to make students get to where they were going. But when I look at it like my friend was telling me to, well that makes me feel better. Maybe the reading strategy I taught will help out next year. Or the next. Or whenever. Maybe it won't-but I hope it will. I hope that I was a small piece of that puzzle.

And then there are students like my little D. Students that you get to see bloom. Now I don't know that I can take full responsibility. Actually I do know-and I know that I can't. I think part of it was about maturity and part of it was about a more stable family situation. But I also think part of it(maybe a small part of it) was about me. I took to him even though he was the hellion in class(of course I did :)). I gave him time, attention, and a lot of help. I found things he was interested in to read-which...GASP...made him WANT to read. I talked to him about his family, about his bike...about...whatever. I just showed interest. Which is something I don't think a lot of people had taken the time to do with him. And in a normal class, I wouldn't have been able to do that-but this year, in the class, with this situation, I think he's a big reason why I was there. he was my little success story. I saw him jump 22 reading levels in 12 weeks. Who knows where he'll go in the future( I pray,pray, pray for him frequently!) but I know that he was someone who I was lucky to know,lucky to teach, and it was a gift that I got to see his little transformation. But like I said earlier, there were 21 other kids in that class. I hope I made some kind of impression, even if it was tiny, on every one of them. But I might never know. I might never see it. All I know is that I can hope.

Hope is a good thing.

But why do I tell you all of this?

Well, because I was thinking about D today for one. And for 2, I think this same little lesson is so applicable to life.

So often in life I want to see things work out the way I want them to work out. RIGHT NOW. I want to be the one that helped someone become someone better. I want to be the one that someone is willing to change their whole lives for. I want to be the one. Or I want someone(specific someones) to be that for me. I want, I want, I want.

ugh. even reading 'I want' that many times makes me feel sick. truly it does.

But I do.

Can't help it.

But when I look at it from this perspective then I see it differently.

It's amazing what a change in perspective can do. :)

Just like so many people,so many experiences, so many minutes shape every little piece of who I am and what I like and what I don't like, and what I never want-I might be little pieces of someone elses 'shaping.'

Sure, I want to be the one where it all comes together, or I want someone to be my one where it all comes together.

But that's just not the way this life works. And you certainly can't force it. You can just take what you have right now and make the very best of it.

'you take the little that you know and you do the best you can...and you leave the rest to the quiet faith of man"