lookin' for the rain in a thunder cloud

twice this week, with separate friends, the topic of rejection has come up. neither time was it brought up by me, but it sure has gotten me thinking. both times, friends said they just "can't handle rejection well at all and" and "it's always me" well-who can handle it well? i mean who ever wants to be rejected? no one. not from a job, not by a person, not by a school, not by their family, not by anyone. but people reject and get rejected everyday. up until almost a year ago-i had never faced any true rejection. and then it happened. just like that. "no-i don't want your offer or even to talk about it." well, thanks. then you go through the whole routine of "well, he wasn't good enough anyways" or "i didn't want you anyhow" or a million other ways of trying to hide the fact that it hurts. because it does. hurt, i mean. and once you go through all the emotions that come first when something like that happens -you realize that you are, in fact, ok. you aren't really mad so much as you are sad. you learn some valuable lessons. granted, they are lessons you'd rather not learn for yourself. trust me, you would much rather someone else go through it and then just tell you about it. but, i think it is necessary. you must, once in your life,(at least) be rejected.
in my case, it was by someone who i never thought had the potential of ever hurting my feelings. but, it happened nonetheless. i discovered that he did have that potential. and i'm glad that, at least for once in my life, i had the guts to "lay it on the line" without knowing what the answer would be. and the answer wasn't what i wanted at all.i was "rejected." but at least now i know. i don't have to spend my nights wondering what might have happened?! i know. and i'm okay with that. i had never before been unsure about someone elses feelings before i placed mine on the table. how exhilerating and terrifying at the same time. i guess i really didn't understand how i felt about the rejection process until these friends wanted advice. both of them were in pretty much the same situation I had been at the time. the "rejection" happens and you just can't understand. what is it about me? what did i do? why? well this is why. It has nothing to do with YOU. And I know this might shock you-but it really has nothing to do with HIM(or her-if you are a boy). it has to do with the two of you TOGETHER. it just doesn't work. for whatever reason. and trust me-whatever you try to do to prove to yourself or him(her) otherwise is futile and what i like to call "prolonging the inevitable." it just wasn't in the cards.and like it or not-you have to be ok with that. otherwise you cheat yourself out of a lot of happiness. and happiness is something you have to be pretty stingy with. no, you are more than likely a fantastic person, he probably is too. no one is the "guilty party" in the situation. just-for whatever reason-the two of you together are not spark-worthy. trust me-better find out now rather than later. i understand that it is hard to be in that position and see that so clearly. trust me-i do understand that. but-eventually-you get it. and that is the point you get to-that is the point i got to. no hard feelings. it's not his fault and i hope it's not mine. it just wasn't. period. now this doesn't mean you don't have moments or still think "what could have been?" or sometimes "what was i thinking?" but-it just means that you can accept it. accept it and know that there is someone, who is not necessarily any better than HE is, but better for YOU. and then someday you meet the one who is PERFECT for you. some of you have and know the excitement of that. some of us are still waiting. i bet i'll even have to go through this ordeal again. i'll put myself out there and get hurt. or maybe it will happen to you. i hope not-but this is life. i read a quote from sheryl crow earlier where she said, "i'm okay with the down-time, because i know that everything in life is momentary." the hurt is only momentary. so go ahead-take risks, put yourself out there -because what I know for sure(sorry Oprah) is that someday in the not so far off future i'll(you'll) meet someone that is not "perfect", but is perfect for me(you). and i'll never stop believing that.not ever.
(and if my "rejecter" ever happens to read this...laugh about the love cuffs and forget about the rest. please.)
(and it my bubs reads this-know that the love cuffs were a complete JOKE!)


on a lighter note-it is really tornadic outside. scary. mom and john are both out of of town for the weekend. dad and i just got back from dinner at swankys. mmmm mmm good. so...not too much going out around here. just a good father/daughter bonding night. i'm headed to bed... don't let the bed bugs bite!!