rather scattered, bubs should be proud-i used paragraphs...

Yesterday, while we were all sitting in my grandmother’s living room, I came across something in the paper that normally would have made me spit my diet coke out. It was a picture of the boy I always thought I would marry… on HIS wedding day. It wasn’t my wedding. No, the bride beside him was not me. To add insult to what I guess should have been my injury, it wasn’t an engagement announcement, but an article about how in love the two of them are. Sure does make for some fun Easter reading…doesn’t it? I read it and showed it to my parents, who then tried to lessen the awkwardness of the situation by making the usual “parent remarks.” I don’t want anyone telling me he’s not good enough for me. Sure he was. Sure he is. But he’s not mine-so that is all a moot point.
I have video footage of me in the first grade saying that HE was the boy I was going to marry. And for the next, oh I guess, “more than 10” years-I believed that. (except for that brief period when I just LOVED ch). So, imagine my devastation when my best friend called me last year (on valentines day) to tell me that he was engaged. Or I guess-imagine what should have been my devastation. I did all the right things. Responded in all the right ways. I said “what?” “why?” “NO!!” I DISTINCTLY remember deep-frying canned biscuits into donuts. For some reason-I felt this helped document the fact that I was “upset” Don’t ask-I just really like donuts-so any excuse to eat them! The thing was-really-I wasn’t upset at all. By then-I had a NEW crush. The fact that my “prince”(yes-we regularly referred to him as that) was engaged was just another in the long list of acquaintances that were taking that step. I felt like I should be outraged and disappointed. I almost WISHED I was outraged and disappointed. But I wasn’t. Why? Because he was no longer what I wanted. For those of you who don’t understand (and I don’t think that is many of you) let me set the scene. He was everything I thought I always wanted. And why shouldn’t he be? He was everything that most girls think they want-and PLENTY did. He is a great guy in every way. Attractive, fun to be around, on the road to success, same morals, and the list goes on. . I was literally gaga over him for more than 10 years. The only guy who caused me to look away from him was CH. And that only lasted a couple of months. We were never on the same page-but to me-that didn’t mean that one day we wouldn’t or couldn’t be. There just wasn’t any other way. Oh-but there was. But to make a long long story-extremely short-it didn’t work out.
You see-back in the day-the news of his engagement would have DEVASTATED me with a CAPITAL D! I KNEW that he was it. He was the only boy I ever liked and the only boy I ever wanted to like. I didn’t really want you to tell me about a future without him in it-because there wasn’t one in my eyes. But apparently there was.
By the time my senior year of college came around-I still hadn’t given up on the possibility of working out-even though he was now pretty serious with another girl. But, through a series of really interesting events-I came to find that I FINALLY had a crush on another guy. That whole story is a saga in itself really-but the point is-I finally was getting over prince. I thought there would never be another boy in life who could make me forget about him-but-I found one. I found him in a very unlikely way and it took me a good year to even admit I had a crush on him. He seems like a small part of this picture-but he’s not a small part-his role just lasted a short time. Not by my choice-trust me. The point is-I never expected it. Never even saw it coming. It was all of a sudden so fun to have a crush on someone. To not think about prince for awhile. And even though nothing ever happened with this crush-I am eternally grateful to him(and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a small crush on him still). Why wouldn't I? come on!! He is the ONLY guy who ever made me NOT think of prince. He came along at just the perfect time and now I understand the reason. He'll always be a crush,but not just any-THE crush that opened my eyes. But there’s more. Isn’t there always?
I ran into prince not too long ago. We hugged and made small talk and that was just about it. Absolutely NO SPARKS. I didn’t even feel anything. It was the oddest thing ever. All those years I got giddy even saying his name and all of a sudden-NOTHING. Funny what one flyer can do without even knowing it. That was such a huge turning point. I thought about it for awhile-but then just gave up and decided that some things are just too complex to think about for too long. I can count on one hand the number of times his name has come up in the last 6 months. And that is only because people bring him up to me. He just isn’t part of my thought process anymore. I NEVER thought this would be the case. Funny how life works out isn’t it? Or as some say-it’s funny how life doesn’t work out(at least the way you planned.)
So last night-I was at my best friends house. We rarely see each other and rarely even talk-but she knows me better than just about anyone does. The article was laying out on her kitchen table. There was no way we weren’t going to discuss it. After she awkwardly asked what I thought- I told her exactly what I’ll tell you. “Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.” You see the girl I was then and the girl I am now-are two totally different people. While I was busy waiting on him to get in line-I got a life. I went to Auburn and made the best friends I could ever ask for. I went on trips and on dates. I thought I was doing all this to kill time-but killing time turned into my new life. It’s funny what can happen while your waiting on SOMETHING to happen. Now-I look at a picture of us taken about 6 years ago and I smile. Because he is story I tell and that is it. That is all it will ever be.(thanks, tiger) He is a far different person than the boy I originally fell for. And not in any bad ways. I’m completely different too. And I hope that is all for the better. My life would be so different than it is now had we worked out. Who knows? I know I am sooo content with the way things are now that I can’t imagine the alternative? I wouldn’t have so many of the friends I have the blessing of having or half the experiences. And from what I hear-he’s happy as a lark himself. He got married not too long ago. I hear she is a wonderful girl and I would expect him to pick nothing less.
My main point in saying all of this is that things happen in such strange ways. When I was looking for someone to take my mind off prince-I never found it. It was only when I decided to let go and have fun that it finally clicked. I cannot tell you how many prayers I sent upstairs begging God to let this all work out. And how long did it take me to realize that it DID all work out. Not the way I thought I wanted-but just the way it was meant to. I wish I could close this by saying that, yes, I had found THE ONE. But-I haven’t. I hope to someday-but I’m not really sure I’m in too big of a hurry. Why should I be? Things will happen exactly how and when they are supposed to and not a second sooner. I don’t even try to make sense of things that have happened in the past or predict what will happen in the future. What I know for sure is that when things don’t go as I wanted or hoped(as they most of the time don’t) I remember this situation-and look past it. And although I’m not sure what the plan is-I know for sure that the planning and the Planner are both perfect and have things far more in control that I ever would. And because I’m completely confident of that-I’m willing to wait and see what surprises He’s got up his sleeve for me!