we are family

I love family vacations. Love them. I remember back in the old days when we would all go skiing. My favorite time of day was dinner(what a shock!!)

let me explain...

During the days, the whole family would scatter out. Except I would stay with my dad-since neither of us are too great on skis.(I've since improved and could out-ski John any day of the week. except on the ones that end in Y!) We had the best time drinking hot chocolate and shopping-and I loved being with my dad-but there was always that unsettling feeling of wondering if the other 4 of us were okay on the slopes out there. But at the end of the day-we'd all gather back and spend the nights together-in Freds or wherever else we happened to like. Together. Safe.

Same with ocean vacations. Except during these-usually I'd be shopping and eating with my both my parents while the boys would be out surfing or ocean kayaking or whatever other dangerous thing they could think up. So again...I loved it at the end of the day-when Mom and I would don our matching sweatshirts and we'd head off for a tasty family dinner.

All together.

All was right with the world as long as we were safe and together.

And not even safe. I remember a particularly frightening trip down Pikes Peak when dad could barely see out the front of the car and I still felt okay-because we were all together.

These days-we're hardly ever all together.


It's been 8 months since I've been with my whole family at one time. And i'm okay with that. Our parents raised us just as parents should. with roots and wings. so even though we've all found our little slice of the world and we're all scattered-we still have the same love between us.

and because of that love-still the same worry. worry is a very unfortunate trait that my mom passed down to me from her mom. i tend to worry a little too much about everything. especially when it comes to my brothers. What can I say,I come by it honestly!

i cannot tell you the nights i have stayed up waiting for john to come home or write me back that he's home safe. or the nights i've laid awake because my bubs wouldn't write me back that he was safe somewhere and not driving his motorcycle like a daredevil or nightsurfing by himself. i just worry. i still send john a text message everynight reminding him to "b triple c(actually I've shortened it to b trip)." ...I send another message to my bubs, and i feel safe knowing that ashley is taking good care of rob.

But,back to the point. right now-i feel that feeling like i used to when everyone was out on the slopes or out in the water. unsettled. we're all very scattered. i mean just about as far scattered as one u.s. family could be. normally-i don't have this feeling-i'm happy just checking in with everyone and that's that.

But the other night something very scary happened to John. By the grace of God he is okay, but it's just left me with this feeling. As soon as it happened I wanted to talk to everyone in my family just to make sure they were all okay- and I also just feel like if we face scary things together then that makes them a little less scary.

Which is exactly what families are for.

And that is another thing I am thankful for: that we are this close of a family. It made me so proud that John called me the other night first thing after his incident when he could have called one of his million other friends.

And trust me the pride didn't set in until the night of worrying was long gone.

So sure, I wish we could have all been together-sharing a big pizza at Freds. Or we were all freezing in the Pismo Beach water together.

heck-i even wish all the boys were agitating me till i couldn't take it anymore.

but we can't be all be together right now or all the time. we've all grown up. scary things happen and we miss them. happy things happen and we miss those sometimes also. it makes me sad to think about and very happy at the same time. and i get that.

just a whole bunch of mixed emotions.

so, the 'together at the end of the day all safe' feeling has to come in other ways.

I think it's just so exciting that we have all grown up and are independent enough to have our own lives, but it's also nice to know we still need each other.

but tonite? tonite feels good. I have talked to my parents. and I've heard from each of the brothers(thank goodness for text messages!).

for now, we are all 'present' and accounted for even if we're far apart. we love each other more than anything in this world and I that I know for sure.

and so all is right with the world.