the complexities of life.

Over Christmas I started thinking about this blog. The conclusion I came to is that I'm over it. It was fun for awhile at the stage of life when I started it. At that particular stage of life I had nothing better to do than to reflect on what was going on and write about it. Complain,mostly. I looked back at some of those "deeper" thought blogs a couple of weeks ago and had a hard time remembering the mood I must have been in when I wrote them. I had lots of time on my hands then. Now, I do not. I rarely have time to sleep 8 hours a night- much less time to blog. Which leads to an important point...what could/should I be doing when I'm doing these "filler" things instead? Lots. But that's another blog for another day(if there is another day...blogging day I mean.) When my family went skiing about a week ago, I came up with ideas for at least five different blogs. And they were all great and deep. At the time. I was pondering them on the plane ride home. I happened to be sitting next to an aspiring writer and for some reason this came up.(i'm probably the inquiring person on the plane you hope NOT to get seated by) Anyways-he was telling me how much he loved writing and I was telling him how I used to have all these things to say,and now I don't. He was talking about writing as being a way of dealing with things and I definitely agree with him there. So, he told me that if I was having some sort of "writers" block, it wasn't because I wasn't going through things that I could write about...it meant that I was dealing with them in a different way. So, of course I pondered the complexity of that for a couple of days. He's right. It's not like I couldn't take hundreds of the little life experiences i've had lately and turn them into a blog. I definitely could. But i'm dealing with these things differently. I just counted and I have 11 unfinished blogs on here. None of them are little life updates,picture blogs, or happy birthday/engagement blogs. They are all meaningful(hopefully) little tidbits. But for some reason, I couldn't finish them. So, of course, I started reading them. I found many things in common with all of them. First off, they were all started after midnight. Secondly, I can't remember where I was "going" with half of them. However, I can remember starting each and every one of them. They each had, what I thought at the time, was a valid point. I wouldn't post one of them now if you paid me. Not that they are bad, or even that dramatic...they just aren't important. The after midnight thing is what interested me the most. I have never been the type to get depressed, but there is something about the dark night that brings out the more negative side to most people. For example...I was home a couple of weeks ago over Christmas break. I was just about to get into bed when I heard a noise outside my window. I got up the nerve to peak and sure enough I saw some kind of body strewn out on the driveway. I wasn't going to go investigate...so I frantically called John(to no avail) and then woke my dad up. He had to pull himself out of bed, get the shotgun and go investigate. He came back up with the report that it was just a blanket. My dad is the smartest person I've ever met, but did I believe him? NO. In the dark night, that "blanket" was a would be burglar just lying there waiting for us to fall asleep so he could break in. Needless to say, I panicked for another 3 hours then fell asleep. When I woke up, the sun was shining. (immediate flashback to cory sellers singing,"though the sorrow may last through night, the joy comes in the morning.:)) I had forgotten all about the night before until I walked down to get breakfast and wondered what on EARTH the dark blanket I had set on my trunk last night was doing strewn out on the driveway. Get my point. In the light of day it was just a thing. A thing that could be dealt with immediately and then forgotten. Well, my after midnight blogs were all a bit like this. They were my thoughts getting the best of me at night. Things most always look better in the morning. And if they don't-then I can guarantee they look better a couple of days or months later. And that is the case with those "lost" blogs. They just aren't that big of a deal anymore. I've faced the issues and shed some light on them. They aren't burglars anymore, trying to take my happiness. They are just small things that needed to be dealt with. And they have been, for the most part. I am just so used to instant gratification(not a good thing...i know) so if I don't get an answer to a question or something I want right away, I tend to freak. This has all changed now and what I'm realizing most is that the answers and things I want "then" are not AT ALL what I want later or "now." So I think what "they" say about writing your letters to people and then shredding them up... is a fantastic idea. Most of the time, you just need to get something out of your system. And my after midnight, unfinished blogs were just that for me. You never got to read them, but you didn't need to. They didn't and still don't define me.And, although they make up a part of who I am, they are mostly just complaining little rants that would do you no good to read. So back to the whole issue of keeping this blog up. I wasn't going to, but now I think I will. I'm not in the same phase of life I was in when I wrote those other "life" blogs. Thankfully, I've grown up...if only a little bit. But I'm still learning how to deal. So that means...I'll still be writing. Probably after midnight a lot of the time. But i'm gonna wait and post till the sun is shining and it's a new day. Then I'll decide whether it's a pity party or something I think you can get a little something out of. As I sit here at 11:41 PM, I can feel myself getting a little sentimental so I'm going to sign off...for as Scarlett says, "after all, tomorrow is another day."