back by 'popular' demand. (and by popular I mean...2 of you asked for it...)

so sorry you all. (and by 'you all' I clearly mean the 2 people who occasionally have stopped by this little non-blog this past year while I've been gone). i've been seriously absent from 'dreams and spaghetti-o's' and for good reason. i think when I last left off it was because I was so just generally unhappy with my life, my sense of NON-direction for it and my general lack of anything too positive to say. and heaven knows you don't read blogs to get bogged down by someone elses issues(let's leave that to my favorite comedian blogger...2birds1blog). so I was hip deep in self pity, knee dip in confusion about the future and ankle deep in a life I didn't really see 'going places.' I wasn't depressed as much as I was confused. about where life was headed and where I was headed. that being said-i was kinda just feeling my way through life waiting on something to turn it around. it's hard to say when I 'officially' decided the kind of life I was okay with was not the kind of life I was leading. and there was nothing catastrophically wrong with it-with my life-nothing illegal about it, I wasn't hurting anyone...I just knew there was more than what I was settling for. I just wasn't happy with my day to day. I wasn't happy with some people I was taking up time with, wasn't happy with keeping busy all the time just to keep myself from thinking of all the things I should be pursuing, and definitely wasn't happy with the current job situation(or lack thereof as some people may have seen it.) Either way, one day something clicked and I just decided i was the only one who could change my circumstances-or at the very least-i decided I could do something about some of my circumstances. and as things tend to do when you surrender control-gradually life turned around a bit. I began talking to a working mom who desperately wants to be with her child-but is having to work right now. the job sounded like a good fit for me-but I just wasn't positive it was what I should commit to for the year. still though, I had the possibility of something different, new and exciting. and then one day-when I was really at the end of a very rapidly fraying rope on the relationship front-I went for a quiet and relaxing pool day at a good friends pool. and that was the day that would really change me. you know his name and if you don't then you probably aren't going to find this blog all that interesting. and I don't say that to be ugly-I say it to warn you that this is not a read that will be entertaining to someone who doesn't know or understand me that well. and it's probably an even better read if you're confused about whether to call him one name or another. :) I was just telling a friend the other day about how I've always thought it was sooo cliche to say 'when you meet the right one, you'll understand why it didn't work with anyone else.' but...and I'm so sorry to turn into this cliche...it's true. when I had my big pep talk with Cas as she was breaking up with her 'lesson learned' I remember repeating this phrase to her and every variation of it. I'm not sure that I believed it exactly to be true at the time-but I did know that it's what best friends said to best friends over copious amounts of margaritas. I also knew that my best friend deserved the very best of the best of the best. and so I told her that someday she'd meet the right one that would make this wrong one seem just that. wrong. and boy was I right. she found her prince...she found her king....she found Chase Papke. enough about that. all of this to say...I've said it, not sure I believed it until I did. I do. it's so, so true. And I think it's equal parts regret and wisdom. with a pinch of fate and a teaspoon of 'if only we'd met sooner...' I say this because as much as I try not to-I regret a little bit all the time and effort I put into other boys who I knew all along were not the one. I think it's wisdom for me to realize and accept that every little experience I've been through was preparation for meeting the one. Fate because...well just because. And 'if only we'd met sooner' because I do wish this frequently. I obviously wish it because my life is so much better with him and I can't really remember what it was like before. Actually, that's a lie-I do remember and I don't like that life near as much...but also because when you meet someone at 27-you tend to bring a bit of a past along. I understand there is wisdom in knowing and accepting that this 'past' was all a part of the future plan and I am positive this is a plan that someone far greater than me put into place. So everything about how we met, when we met and our relationship is perfect in timing and in this plan. And I don't dwell on these negative emotions. I just had to mention them to be real(I'm all about being real)... which brings me to the heaping amounts of love, grace, accommodation, forgiveness, understanding, romance and fun our relationship has. We are not perfect, but I happen to think we're pretty perfect for each other. It's taken a while to adjust to the high of 'we just met, oh my goodness, you can do no wrong' to 'we've been dating months now and this annoys me about you and I want you to understand this about me and so on...' and it comes from both sides. but it's wonderful. I feel like each day, each talk we learn more and more about what makes the other happy, frustrated, loved and sometimes just outright m-a-d. I wouldn't trade it for the world. This has by far been the highlight of my year/life. It's amazing how a relationship can bring out so much sin. Which I see in myself. Mainly in selfishness. As for my man, I'm pretty sure you all know how wonderful he is but may I sum it up by saying that he is currently watching "pride and prejudice' with me. not the 2 hour version...the at least 3 hour BBC version. So, yes, I'd say I'm a lucky girl to have found him. For many more reasons other than the fact that he'll watch not just any, but THE ULTIMATE chick flick with me. WOOHOO! And I could list off so many more ways he makes me feel loved, appreciated, and respected on a daily basis-but that's not where this is all going. I tell you all this about my life to say that I (hopefully) am back to blogging. Hopefully. But the tone of it will probably be a little different. Now I am neck deep in happiness and love. I am learning new lessons every day about everything. I have a focus now. A job that I happen to love(yes, for those of you who MIGHT not know-I took the nanny job, and aside from asking Jack to go to Chuys with us that night-it might be the best decision I've made all year. ) I am excited about my life-not the way I act and react some days-but just happy with the overall feel of it. I am confident in the direction it's headed and proud to go to work each day. I am one happy gal. That doesn't mean each day is perfect. And because I'm happy as a lark in my relationship-it certainly doesn't mean it's anywhere near perfect. I have to ask forgiveness at least weekly. But we are learning so many things, I am learning so many things. And because I've learned some things from other friends/blogs I might pass those along. And I think I've learned some things of my own worth passing along. Who knows. What I do know is that I've missed writing-and I want to get back to it. But I promise it won't all be preach-y and idea-y! I will post some good ole' fashioned 'here's what I've been doing' posts as well. So, as I've said before I won't beg you to come back-but if I see that no one's comin' I have one thing to leave you with...i ain't too proud to beg.