the times they are a changin'

'come gather 'round people, wherever you roam.'


it's funny because when TJ and I had been dating long enough for this to be acceptable, I would hear 'the times they are a changin' come out of his mouth quite frequently. Never in a negative way, just in a cute, endearing way that reminded me that by meeting him, my times, well they were a changin.' It would be about the music we listen to in the car...me: 'but TJ, I always listen to country on the radio...TJ: the times they are a changin.' or me: I always go see Rom Com's on THE WEEKEND they come out... TJ: they times they are a changin.' Let me just state for the record, I should have hummed this more than him. I'm not quite sure he knew what he was in for when he asked me out-but(and I think I speak for both of us here) we're sure glad he did. He probably never envisioned a life of watching a marathon of a popular ABC family show with me on a Saturday night. And he most certainly didn't imagine that he'd ever be humming along to Taylor Swift. And be kind of happy about it. But he does and he generally does it with a smile on his face. And my times have changed too. I have been introduced to new music, new hobbies, and just generally a different way of looking at life. And boy, I am sure glad about this.

I preface my post with the above paragraph because I think it sums up where this blog is headed. I like to think I'm just the same ole' Mary, with the same old ramblings. And yes, that part of me is still here. But there is a new part here too. The part of me that is about to become a wife in less than 9 months! I couldn't be more overjoyed for this next part of my life, and I just feel like because of the spot I am in-I will have lots more to write about on here. I was the girl in my mid-twenties living on dreams and spaghetti-o's for a while, and I'm not too pretentious to say that we'll never live on dreams and spaghetti-o's again. But this time, we're doing it TOGETHER. The thing is, I do have a bit more of a clue about where life is headed now. It's headed in the direction called 'we're getting married!' Wow. It's still crazy to say. But it's true. A dream come true.

Truth is though, we're relatively young. We've learned a lot in our journey together so far, but we know we have TONS more to learn. And so I am going to share tidbits about our life together. Fun things we do, things we have figured out, things we're working on(still figuring out what music to listen to in the car), how we learn each day to love each other better, ways we learn to love each other better, things we cook, things we try. Basically-this will be about us. About our road to becoming Mr. and Mrs. Three. And if you're lucky(ha), it just might continue after we become that couple. OFFICIALLY.

So here's to us and here's to you! Thanks for reading. Please visit often. I can promise you one thing...you will not be bored.


ps, I'm not changing the site name of the blog because people know this one-it's easier that way!

snakes and caves and non-paths OH MY!

i refuse to make this post about scary things. like caves, snakes, and 'non-paths.' no, that's not what I'm going to do at all. instead, I am just going to show you a few pictures of what Jack and I did last Friday. it ended up being great fun! it was an amazingly gorgeous day! we started out early and ready for adventure...next thing I know he has me in a cave with no foreseeable way to where we are going or a way back to our car (and a way out of all this fright). oh, woops. i forgot...not making this post about that kind of stuff. back on track, mar, back on track.

here I am in that cave though. :) it was treacherous at best. and once J saw that I was fearing for my very life-he was oh so very patient with me! snaps for Jack on that front.here we are at the final destination. (did I mention that to get there was a fright?) it was beautiful, peaceful and everything else lovely and nice. except for when Jack was bouldering. that part was both nerve-wracking and fun to watch all at the same time. either way, it was quite lovely out there on the water.

on the way back we took a REAL LIVE PATH! oh. my. goodness... thank heavens for paths! we walked back through the forest...


and eventually we ended up here.

it was beautiful also. despite the generator, the silt spill, the divers and absolutely NO WHERE to swim. it was beautiful still and I'm glad I convinced J into making the hike down there with me! can't wait to go back when we can fully enjoy it.

also, I feel like I have to defend myself for a sec. although I don't claim to be my slimmest ever. as a matter of fact i am quite, quite the opposite actually-I do feel as though that dress + the wind = very unfortunate photo op. here's to hoping that's what it was.


it was a great day all in all. and I guess that on days like these and in life in general... in order to get to the fun, to get to the beautiful, to get to the 'worth it' ...you have to be willing to 'walk through the wild a bit.'

letter to my younger self

One of my favorite books to pick up and read over and over is called "What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self." Forty well-known women write short letters passing their current wisdom to their younger selves. I highly, highly recommend this to anyone-in any age and stage of life. So, without further ado, I am going to steal this idea and write to myself at age 23. I was in the stuck in Memphis when I wanted to be in Austin. I was just back from Chicago and the flight school debacle and already planning my next adventure.



Dear Mary,


Be content in each moment. Please learn this now. It is such an important skill to have in life. You just got back from Chicago. You thought that flight school was the answer-but if you're being honest with yourself then you can admit that you knew all along it wasn't the life for you. You love family and friends too much to be so far away for so long. You are just wanting to do something. Anything really. You know that you want an exciting life and life in Memphis isn't so exciting. So before you can really settle back into your home(your home that you love so much with your family you love so much... by the way ) you are already plotting your next escape. Why are you escaping? Learn to be happy here. You will learn to-but learn now. Learn to be happy in all circumstances. Find good in every little thing. What you don't know right now about your time in Memphis is that it will really change your life. And all for the better. You will re-become best friends with some of your oldest and dearest friends. You will be with your best high school friend the night she gets engaged. You'll be with another life long best friend through a tough break-up. And since you're in Memphis long enough-you'll get to watch her fall in love again. With someone right for her. Sure, you're going on dates with your parents right now while your friends are out on real dates. I know that is kind of tough for you. Soak it up sister. Your time will come. This time is a precious opportunity to get to know your parents as an adult. You're forming your own ideas and opinions about everything and now you're starting to see why your mom did things just the way she did. You won't be able to eat special 'mom's out of town dinners' with your dad when you live somewhere else. Goodness, I can't reiterate enough how special this time in your life is. You'll eat pizza with your grandparents every week. Mary, realize now how precious life is. Soak up every opportunity to learn from the family you love so much. Things change, and when parents are in their 60's and grandparents are in their 80's and 90's, there's really no guarantee. There is really never any guarantee. What you are so scared of, Mary, is being around your beloved aunt Ellen. It's so hard to watch someone be so sick. No one knows what to do in that situation. No one knows what to say. Just be there. Even when it's sad and scary. Be there. You go to movies with her, watch movies with her and you're around-but really be there. Not only does Aunt Ellen need you, your mom needs you to. This is her sister after all. Think about if it were one of the brothers. This might be the hardest thing your mom has been through yet. You need to step up, put on your big girl panties and be better. Be more helpful. At the end, you do just this. You get bravery from someone much more in control than you. You are there. To hug your mom and your grandmom and your uncle on their very worst day. Way to go!! You're starting to get it. You'll wish you had stepped up sooner. So Mary, I beg you, learn now that life is short, time is precious and you shouldn't waste one minute of your life wishing you were somewhere else. You're going to get wherever it is you're going. Be content with where your life is now. Trust me. You'll have lots more 'in between' times. You need to learn to be content always. Don't wait for life to begin at some other point. Your life is unfolding right now. Make sure you don't miss one second of it. Mary, you have an amazing life-with tons of people who love you. You're going to meet so many more. Life in Austin will change you too. You'll meet lots of new friends ...who won't replace the old ones, but they'll be super special to you too. They will become your 'family' in Austin. Family you eat with, family who buys you toilet paper, family you road trip with and family you cry with. You'll also meet a very special someone else there. So when an old college friend asks you to hang on a hot Sunday in July-forgo your nap and GO swimming! Trust me on this. Live life. It's way to short to be napping. Also, be kind to everyone you meet along the way. Each person has their own story, their own battle. This is something else you should pick up on now. Lastly, always, always remember your mom's favorite song lyrics "if you get the chance to sit it out or dance...I hope you dance."



Someone who has learned a few things,

Your 28 year old self

back by 'popular' demand. (and by popular I mean...2 of you asked for it...)

so sorry you all. (and by 'you all' I clearly mean the 2 people who occasionally have stopped by this little non-blog this past year while I've been gone). i've been seriously absent from 'dreams and spaghetti-o's' and for good reason. i think when I last left off it was because I was so just generally unhappy with my life, my sense of NON-direction for it and my general lack of anything too positive to say. and heaven knows you don't read blogs to get bogged down by someone elses issues(let's leave that to my favorite comedian blogger...2birds1blog). so I was hip deep in self pity, knee dip in confusion about the future and ankle deep in a life I didn't really see 'going places.' I wasn't depressed as much as I was confused. about where life was headed and where I was headed. that being said-i was kinda just feeling my way through life waiting on something to turn it around. it's hard to say when I 'officially' decided the kind of life I was okay with was not the kind of life I was leading. and there was nothing catastrophically wrong with it-with my life-nothing illegal about it, I wasn't hurting anyone...I just knew there was more than what I was settling for. I just wasn't happy with my day to day. I wasn't happy with some people I was taking up time with, wasn't happy with keeping busy all the time just to keep myself from thinking of all the things I should be pursuing, and definitely wasn't happy with the current job situation(or lack thereof as some people may have seen it.) Either way, one day something clicked and I just decided i was the only one who could change my circumstances-or at the very least-i decided I could do something about some of my circumstances. and as things tend to do when you surrender control-gradually life turned around a bit. I began talking to a working mom who desperately wants to be with her child-but is having to work right now. the job sounded like a good fit for me-but I just wasn't positive it was what I should commit to for the year. still though, I had the possibility of something different, new and exciting. and then one day-when I was really at the end of a very rapidly fraying rope on the relationship front-I went for a quiet and relaxing pool day at a good friends pool. and that was the day that would really change me. you know his name and if you don't then you probably aren't going to find this blog all that interesting. and I don't say that to be ugly-I say it to warn you that this is not a read that will be entertaining to someone who doesn't know or understand me that well. and it's probably an even better read if you're confused about whether to call him one name or another. :) I was just telling a friend the other day about how I've always thought it was sooo cliche to say 'when you meet the right one, you'll understand why it didn't work with anyone else.' but...and I'm so sorry to turn into this cliche...it's true. when I had my big pep talk with Cas as she was breaking up with her 'lesson learned' I remember repeating this phrase to her and every variation of it. I'm not sure that I believed it exactly to be true at the time-but I did know that it's what best friends said to best friends over copious amounts of margaritas. I also knew that my best friend deserved the very best of the best of the best. and so I told her that someday she'd meet the right one that would make this wrong one seem just that. wrong. and boy was I right. she found her prince...she found her king....she found Chase Papke. enough about that. all of this to say...I've said it, not sure I believed it until I did. I do. it's so, so true. And I think it's equal parts regret and wisdom. with a pinch of fate and a teaspoon of 'if only we'd met sooner...' I say this because as much as I try not to-I regret a little bit all the time and effort I put into other boys who I knew all along were not the one. I think it's wisdom for me to realize and accept that every little experience I've been through was preparation for meeting the one. Fate because...well just because. And 'if only we'd met sooner' because I do wish this frequently. I obviously wish it because my life is so much better with him and I can't really remember what it was like before. Actually, that's a lie-I do remember and I don't like that life near as much...but also because when you meet someone at 27-you tend to bring a bit of a past along. I understand there is wisdom in knowing and accepting that this 'past' was all a part of the future plan and I am positive this is a plan that someone far greater than me put into place. So everything about how we met, when we met and our relationship is perfect in timing and in this plan. And I don't dwell on these negative emotions. I just had to mention them to be real(I'm all about being real)... which brings me to the heaping amounts of love, grace, accommodation, forgiveness, understanding, romance and fun our relationship has. We are not perfect, but I happen to think we're pretty perfect for each other. It's taken a while to adjust to the high of 'we just met, oh my goodness, you can do no wrong' to 'we've been dating months now and this annoys me about you and I want you to understand this about me and so on...' and it comes from both sides. but it's wonderful. I feel like each day, each talk we learn more and more about what makes the other happy, frustrated, loved and sometimes just outright m-a-d. I wouldn't trade it for the world. This has by far been the highlight of my year/life. It's amazing how a relationship can bring out so much sin. Which I see in myself. Mainly in selfishness. As for my man, I'm pretty sure you all know how wonderful he is but may I sum it up by saying that he is currently watching "pride and prejudice' with me. not the 2 hour version...the at least 3 hour BBC version. So, yes, I'd say I'm a lucky girl to have found him. For many more reasons other than the fact that he'll watch not just any, but THE ULTIMATE chick flick with me. WOOHOO! And I could list off so many more ways he makes me feel loved, appreciated, and respected on a daily basis-but that's not where this is all going. I tell you all this about my life to say that I (hopefully) am back to blogging. Hopefully. But the tone of it will probably be a little different. Now I am neck deep in happiness and love. I am learning new lessons every day about everything. I have a focus now. A job that I happen to love(yes, for those of you who MIGHT not know-I took the nanny job, and aside from asking Jack to go to Chuys with us that night-it might be the best decision I've made all year. ) I am excited about my life-not the way I act and react some days-but just happy with the overall feel of it. I am confident in the direction it's headed and proud to go to work each day. I am one happy gal. That doesn't mean each day is perfect. And because I'm happy as a lark in my relationship-it certainly doesn't mean it's anywhere near perfect. I have to ask forgiveness at least weekly. But we are learning so many things, I am learning so many things. And because I've learned some things from other friends/blogs I might pass those along. And I think I've learned some things of my own worth passing along. Who knows. What I do know is that I've missed writing-and I want to get back to it. But I promise it won't all be preach-y and idea-y! I will post some good ole' fashioned 'here's what I've been doing' posts as well. So, as I've said before I won't beg you to come back-but if I see that no one's comin' I have one thing to leave you with...i ain't too proud to beg.

under construction

In my 1st grade classroom last year I had many students on many,many different levels.
There were many times I was so excited to see when all my hard prep work payed off and a student really 'clicked' with what I was trying to teach. And then there was the frustration. The frustration of them not getting it. Or not even seeming to care. And when you are a teacher, you can't act frustrated. You have to be poker faced most of the time. You have to keep on smiling and keep right on working. I was talking with some teacher friends about this not too long ago and one of them was so very kind to point out a very obvious truth. Just because I don't see the benefit of after school tutoring right away-doesn't mean it isn't gonna help somewhere down the road. The strategies I was teaching that seemed to fall by the wayside-well they may just come back to these students in 2nd grade when a lightbulb flashes on. Or it may be 3rd. Or 9th. Or college. Point is, I just may not get to see the results immediately.

But, I want to see them right now. I want to know that I was the teacher who made the difference. I want to be the ONE!!! Wait Mary...be patient and be selfless. It doesn't always work that way. Blah to that! A lot of times it's many teachers investing lots of time to make students get to where they were going. But when I look at it like my friend was telling me to, well that makes me feel better. Maybe the reading strategy I taught will help out next year. Or the next. Or whenever. Maybe it won't-but I hope it will. I hope that I was a small piece of that puzzle.

And then there are students like my little D. Students that you get to see bloom. Now I don't know that I can take full responsibility. Actually I do know-and I know that I can't. I think part of it was about maturity and part of it was about a more stable family situation. But I also think part of it(maybe a small part of it) was about me. I took to him even though he was the hellion in class(of course I did :)). I gave him time, attention, and a lot of help. I found things he was interested in to read-which...GASP...made him WANT to read. I talked to him about his family, about his bike...about...whatever. I just showed interest. Which is something I don't think a lot of people had taken the time to do with him. And in a normal class, I wouldn't have been able to do that-but this year, in the class, with this situation, I think he's a big reason why I was there. he was my little success story. I saw him jump 22 reading levels in 12 weeks. Who knows where he'll go in the future( I pray,pray, pray for him frequently!) but I know that he was someone who I was lucky to know,lucky to teach, and it was a gift that I got to see his little transformation. But like I said earlier, there were 21 other kids in that class. I hope I made some kind of impression, even if it was tiny, on every one of them. But I might never know. I might never see it. All I know is that I can hope.

Hope is a good thing.

But why do I tell you all of this?

Well, because I was thinking about D today for one. And for 2, I think this same little lesson is so applicable to life.

So often in life I want to see things work out the way I want them to work out. RIGHT NOW. I want to be the one that helped someone become someone better. I want to be the one that someone is willing to change their whole lives for. I want to be the one. Or I want someone(specific someones) to be that for me. I want to see the future play out right NOW!! I want, I want, I want.

ugh. even reading 'I want' that many times makes me feel sick. truly it does.

But I do.

Can't help it.

But when I look at it from this perspective then I see it differently.

It's amazing what a change in perspective can do. :)

Just like so many people,so many experiences, so many minutes shape every little piece of who I am and what I like and what I don't like,what I want, and what I never want. And, I might be little pieces of someone elses 'shaping. I certainly hope I am. And I hope I'm shaping for the better.

Sure, I want to be the one where it all comes together, or I want someone to be my one where it all comes together. I want to see it happen now. in my time.

But that's just not the way this life works. And you certainly can't force it. You can just take what you have right now and make the very best of it. as the song says 'you take the little that you know and you do the best you can...and you leave the rest to the quiet faith of man"

patience is ever so difficult. not knowing is even more difficult. so some of the things I think i'm starting to learn are that it takes a lot of patience and a lot of faith. a lot of compromise and a lot of forgiveness to make every relationship work day to day. this is much easier to write than it is to live. but I will try.

i think i can. i think i can.

i think i can. i think i can.

every day.

So, I was reading a book yesterday that informed me that to have an interesting blog you need to post a little something everyday! what a challenge! What in my little life is so interesting that I need to post everyday?

Nothing. I can't possibly entertain you with my life everyday. So instead I'll have to leave you with photos,recipes, and ripped off tidbits. Sorry folks, that's just the way it's gonna have to be!

So that counts as enough of a post for today...right? I sure hope. Because I've really got nothing great to say! Keep coming back though. It can only go up from here!

experiencing contentment

experiencing contentment. this is never something I have EVER struggled with. I am a happy girl. and happy girls are content. and I am. most of the time. but lately,it's been very hard for me. lots of things going on or not going on have put me in a place where I find it harder and harder to experience contentment.

situations shouldn't affect contentment. i get that. I know that. now,someone tell it to me again. but they do. and lately all i've done is worry. worry about my family. about my friends. about a job. about my al gal! about what life is going to dole out to people I love at any given time. and when you start worrying about one thing it's so very easy to just start worrying about all things. and this is a hard boat to be in folks. it means worrying while I should be sleeping,while I should be working,while I should be walking, or while I should be present in any given situation in life. and naturally, since I'm not used to this kind of thing-I don't know what to do. should I go home? or should I put on my big girl panties and deal? I think there is a time for both.

going home is very easy. my parents love me,would do anything for me and remind me of this on a nearly daily basis. home is comfortable,pretty much predictable and my favorite place to be. even when things are hard, they are less hard at home. and so yes,going home seems a great option. but what about 10 years down the road, when I hit this rock again? running home when you're 27 is easy, but 36-not so much. and so I'm staying here and learning to live my life and love my life through this short funk. and it's good. it's good for me. it's great to be honest about the way I feel and figure out exactly who's around when the sun isn't so bright in my little life. and as I write that I realize it's not true. the sun is bright-i'm blocking my own view of it. but back to the who's around thing. i'm amazed. really. about the people that shine through when I don't feel the shine myself. and when I look at life this way, it looks good. it looks very good. people come out of the woodwork of my life and just are present. for whatever I need. and I've been mighty needy here lately. i spent so much of my life wondering where I would go in life, that it's easy to forget that I am where I was going. this is it. I have lots of friends. I have lots of good,good friends. not just to laugh with,eat with or cry with-but friends to just 'be' with. be whatever. and i've been all over the spectrum lately. I mean all over! I have a family life that,when I step back and look at it outside of my own lenses, is actually a dream. I love them more than anything in the world. anything. which is what is causing me all this worry-but they are beyond worth it. Yes,I've become someone who must talk to my mom everyday-one of those people I never thought I'd be-but what's so wrong with it. I'm not ashamed. my mom is the most amazing woman I have ever and probably will ever know. Why would I not soak up every opportunity to hear her wisdom or tell her exactly what's going on in my life. And my dad. My dad is the most amazing man I've ever and probably will ever know. Another friend was telling me the other day that his(my dads) love for me and my brothers seemed almost mythical-which I thought was strange at first, but the more I roll that around in my head-I get it. My dad is there always. Always offering up anything he can to make our lives better. That's not something you find frequently. And my brothers. How I love my brothers. I would say that I don't go more than 30 minutes without mentioning my brothers in any given day. So my life is dreamy. Really dreamy. And I think it takes times like these to realize it. To figure out that 'this too shall pass' but those people,those people are here for me before 'this' came,while 'this' is here and after 'this' passes. Which is what makes this 'this' seem okay. Seem bearable. I don't have to go home to know these people love me. I've known that for as long as I've known anything. I've got people right here that step right into family roles. I must admit though that these people can't fry bacon quite like my mom or cook a burger quite like my dad-but you get it. They are people Who take care of me in whatever way I need. Which is exactly what my mom and dad would do if I landed back on Dexter. So I felt like I needed to write this down so that I can read it as a reminder to myself. My life is good and so blessed. So the funk will go away. And someday it will come back. But life is good. very good. and it's short. too short to be worrying all the time. so I think I won't worry anymore. I mean,I know i'll worry-but I think I'll not let myself get so worked up in it that it begins to rule my life. Here's to trying...

here I go again...

okay people, I am making a comeback. I realize I've promised this before-but really. I promise now. Life is hectic and I make time for other things, so I'm vowing to make time for this. Can't promise entertainment ALL THE TIME...but I promise updates at least once a week! hold me to it! that being said, I'm going to sleep. While counting sheep, or trying to as John was sawing logs in the bed beside me on family vacay-I all of a sudden decided I want to do this again! So, i got up to tell you that I'm going to do it. please stay tuned. And thanks for coming back. Actually, thanks for coming at all!

things on my mind...

Today: I woke up and thought about...in no particular order.

1.) chocolate milk. this is pretty much the ONLY thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.

2.) coffee. mmm. I got new coffee yesterday and have been desperate to try it out.

3.) breakfast. the fact that I only had oatmeal to eat. and I wanted a donut. specifically a gibson donut. but I also want to fit into my jeans this winter so whatever.

4.) can't tell ya.

5.) why we like who we like.(which has been on my mind since a conversation from last night)

6.) why do we like them even when they make us want to scream?

7.) why don't I have a real job?

8.) I'm hitting snooze.

point is-I think my next blog will be on why we like who we do. not that I have an answer,but do I ever? so stay tuned my friends...and also please...check out my niece Lyla in her very first pair of Keds. yea,she's presh!

little slumps

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in situations that are quite 'foreign' to us. This has happened to me a couple of times and each time I seem to make it through. That's what gives me hope that I can make it through just about anything.

There was this one time when I was waiting on a friend to meet me in Rome to begin that once in a lifetime adventure I have mentioned many times before. She was coming the next morning, my other friends had left 3 days before and so I was in a foreign country without anyone I knew. Now,there are shabbier places to be than in Rome in this situation,but when you feel alone,you feel alone wherever you are.

So I got back to Rome late at night from another adventure. I found myself without a hotel and without a friend to commiserate with. So I moped for a few minutes,got homesick for a few more, then gave myself a pep talk and ventured into the Termini 'information desk.' to try and help myself. To say there was a language barrier is putting very nicely the fact that 'there was no communication between the 'night helpers' and myself. NONE. WHATSOEVER. So I ended up in a sketchy part of Rome by myself in a hotel.(is there a sketchy part of Rome? apparently so!) Actually in the daylight it didn't seem so sketchy-which,as I've mentioned before-many places and situations look different with the morning light. I checked in around 10 and figured out that I was STARVING. Not the kind of hunger you can sleep off, the kind that growls at you until you find something to put in your stomach. Hey,I was in Italy-no need to skip meals. So I got dressed and then I cried. I don't know why. My very best friend was coming the next day. I was in ROME. But I just wanted HOME. I wanted my dad to act like I was the most important thing on earth(which happens at home),I wanted my mom to scratch my back and cook me dinner. I wanted my brothers to tease me. I just wanted HOME. Again, the peptalk. So I made myself leave my room with red,splotchy eyes nonetheless. I ran into a woman in the ever so sketchy European elevator in that hotel. She could tell I was upset, and she could tell I was American. Just my luck. So was she. We talked for a minute,I explained why I was upset and she insisted on taking me to dinner. Now,there are people-MOM FOR ONE-that would say that you can't just haul off in a foreign country to dinner with someone you don't know. She was a woman that happened to be about 20 years older than me at the time and call it woman's intuition...I just trusted her.

So I followed her out of the elevator,out of the hotel, and into the nearest trattoria. She talked to me about my where I was from,what I was doing here, and why on earth I was crying in Rome,Italy. For that night, and that meal she provided comfort. She listened like I was the most important person to her at the moment and she fed me. What more could I ask for? By the end of the dinner we were laughing together and talking about celebrities. fast friends. After this was all over, we walked back, said goodnight,I thanked her and I've never heard from her again.

But I can't forget her. Because I remember how sad I felt that night. I remember how homesick I was and then I remember that she changed that. Just by being there. By listening. and by being hospitable to me.

These are the stories from my Italian adventure that I don't share with many people. Why? Because I'm Mary. I'm strong,independent and I am happy all the time. I don't need to be comforted. Oh,but I do. Everyone does.

Well,I found myself in this particular situation again a couple of weeks ago. I ended up at my cousins this time. And she did the same things. She comforted me,gave me food,a place to sleep and an eager listening ear. I'd like to say I woke up that next morning feeling much,much better-but truth is-I didn't.

I wanted my mom. I wanted my dad. My dog. My brothers. My couch at home. And my younger years when I had them all around me assuring me I was gonna be just fine. Because I will. This is only a little slump. And they can't be here. I'm 26. we're spread out. And though I know that my parents would drive down here tonite if I really needed them to-I don't really need them to. Because I have a family here. And I think it takes situations like this to realize that I do. Maybe they didn't birth me. Or maybe they don't tell me they love me all the time like my parents do-but I know that they do. These people would and actually do anything for me.

They invite me into their homes for dinner. They invite me to do fun things. They call to check on me. They give me hugs. They buy me toilet paper. They take care of me when I'm not feeling well. They pray with me and for me. They are there. Through the happy times and the down times. And if I'm just 'strong' enough to show them my red,splotchy 'marys not so happy right now' face-then they step right up to the plate. The hardest part for me is just being vulnerable enough to let that side show.

But once I do,it's like...indescribable. This family of friends I've got here just steps right up to the plate. By making me laugh,letting me cry,taking me out,and just being around. Or not around. Whatever I prefer. They are my 'people.' And my people are good. good people.

So,I'm feeling better now,I'm out of my little slump...for now. But when it comes around again and I know that it will-I will also know that my blood family and my friend family are right here waiting to step up and lead me back into my happy pants!

all I've got for now...

sorry that I plagiarize!! give me a few days!! :)



Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio:


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good..
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God.. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about..
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29.. Time heals almost everything.. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back..
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

under construction...

In my 1st grade classroom last year I had many students on many,many different levels.
There were many times I was so excited to see when all my hard prep work payed off and a student really 'clicked' with what I was trying to teach. And then there was the frustration. The frustration of them not getting it. Or not even seeming to care. And when you are a teacher, you can't act frustrated. You have to be poker faced most of the time. You have to keep on smiling and keep right on working. I was talking with some teacher friends about this not too long ago and one of them was so very kind to point out a very obvious truth. Just because I don't see the benefit of after school tutoring right away-doesn't mean it isn't gonna help somewhere down the road. The strategies I was teaching that seemed to fall by the wayside-well they may just come back to these students in 2nd grade when a lightbulb flashes on. Or it may be 3rd. Or 9th. Or college. Point is, I just may not get to see the results immediately.

But, I want to see them right now. I want to know that I was the teacher who made the difference. I want to be the ONE!!! Wait Mary...be patient and be selfless. It doesn't always work that way. Blah to that! A lot of times it's many teachers investing lots of time to make students get to where they were going. But when I look at it like my friend was telling me to, well that makes me feel better. Maybe the reading strategy I taught will help out next year. Or the next. Or whenever. Maybe it won't-but I hope it will. I hope that I was a small piece of that puzzle.

And then there are students like my little D. Students that you get to see bloom. Now I don't know that I can take full responsibility. Actually I do know-and I know that I can't. I think part of it was about maturity and part of it was about a more stable family situation. But I also think part of it(maybe a small part of it) was about me. I took to him even though he was the hellion in class(of course I did :)). I gave him time, attention, and a lot of help. I found things he was interested in to read-which...GASP...made him WANT to read. I talked to him about his family, about his bike...about...whatever. I just showed interest. Which is something I don't think a lot of people had taken the time to do with him. And in a normal class, I wouldn't have been able to do that-but this year, in the class, with this situation, I think he's a big reason why I was there. he was my little success story. I saw him jump 22 reading levels in 12 weeks. Who knows where he'll go in the future( I pray,pray, pray for him frequently!) but I know that he was someone who I was lucky to know,lucky to teach, and it was a gift that I got to see his little transformation. But like I said earlier, there were 21 other kids in that class. I hope I made some kind of impression, even if it was tiny, on every one of them. But I might never know. I might never see it. All I know is that I can hope.

Hope is a good thing.

But why do I tell you all of this?

Well, because I was thinking about D today for one. And for 2, I think this same little lesson is so applicable to life.

So often in life I want to see things work out the way I want them to work out. RIGHT NOW. I want to be the one that helped someone become someone better. I want to be the one that someone is willing to change their whole lives for. I want to be the one. Or I want someone(specific someones) to be that for me. I want, I want, I want.

ugh. even reading 'I want' that many times makes me feel sick. truly it does.

But I do.

Can't help it.

But when I look at it from this perspective then I see it differently.

It's amazing what a change in perspective can do. :)

Just like so many people,so many experiences, so many minutes shape every little piece of who I am and what I like and what I don't like, and what I never want-I might be little pieces of someone elses 'shaping.'

Sure, I want to be the one where it all comes together, or I want someone to be my one where it all comes together.

But that's just not the way this life works. And you certainly can't force it. You can just take what you have right now and make the very best of it.

'you take the little that you know and you do the best you can...and you leave the rest to the quiet faith of man"

just a little Tuesday morning ramble...

The other day I had a plan. I was going to fly back to Austin, be at my car by 9 PM,go grocery shopping, and get to bed early just to be ready for a full day of teaching 1st grade.

Well,first off, I almost didn't make the plane. Who knew there would be a wreck on the interstate in Memphis? not us. So, I was literally RUNNING through the airport to make the flight, only to realize it was delayed. Then I landed in Dallas. I saw where my flight to Austin was 'delayed' with no new departure time listed. I was hopeful as I headed over to Chilis to grab a bite to eat. Even after I left and saw where it was still just 'delayed' I was still hopeful that 'delayed' only meant by thirty minutes. Well, 4 whole hours later, we were finally in line to leave for Austin-only to find that there was no plane and no crew to get us there. Long story short, I made it to Austin a mere 5 hours after I was supposed to- in quite a cantankerous mood and in no shape to go to the grocery. Instead I crawled into bed and relished in the luxurious 4 hours of sleep I was given until my alarm went off.

So yes,I hit the day unprepared. Unprepared in the sense that I had nothing to wear for a rainy day,unprepared in the sense that I had no lunch food, unprepared in the sense that I was running on 4 hours of sleep and a nagging feeling that maybe I'd just rather be back in Memphis lazing around my cozy,familiar house.

So my plan, well it didn't quite go according to plan. And as I type this, I realize that things rarely do.

What I do think about and laugh out loud at is a time not too,too long ago when something similar happened to me. It was summer after junior year(high school), I was young and dumb in the way of things not going according to plan. I was headed back from a trip to Destin and leaving for a mission trip the very next day. My plane got delayed in Atlanta. ENTER MELTDOWN. I mean I just melted right on down. I wasn't going to make the mission trip,I probably would never make it home. It was To the point where I was heaving sobs. Some random woman in the airport bathroom had to pull me out of the stall and put a paper bag on me. Okay,maybe NOT REALLY, but I think she would of if she had known me better. You see at that point I didn't realize that life isn't something we control. So when it was not in my control I had an attack of gigantic proportions. Of course I made it back,of course I made the mission trip, but I want to kick the Mary Ennis of that day and introduce her to the Mary Ennis of today. The other night, when I found out my flight may or may not leave until the morning...what do you think I did? I did what any self respecting girl at my age and stage would do-I bought a diet coke,a candy bar and the latest Vanity Fair to hold me over until someone in the airport world decided my fate for the evening. I watched the Colts game and was screaming at the tv right along with all the men(talk about not in the life plane!). I just dealt. I dealt knowing that these things happen and the axis would probably twirl on if I had to catch the morning flight. In other words, I've grown up a little about this plan thing.

It's funny because I was going through old photos at home this weekend(home is and will always be wherever my parents are!). I couldn't help looking at them and remembering the plans I had when I was in 9th grade,in college, 2 years after college. My life looks nothing like the way I had planned. Nothing. And I can honestly say as I sit here in my brightly colored,single girl apartment that I can't imagine loving my life more. No,I didn't run away and marry my 9th grade boyfriend(as was the plan...special thanks to the girl that saved me from that life!),I didn't end up being the head buyer for Neiman Marcus(which was the plan in college),heck, I didn't even end up a flight attendant. I ended up in Austin,TX. Single,with a teaching degree I hadn't 'planned' on and can't seem to find a way to use,confused,excited,yet very hopeful about all things that the future holds.

I didn't plan on being friends with people like the people I am friends with. I didn't plan on liking the 'kinds' of boys I like. But I am,and I do. And so what. These people are my family here. They are the people who buy me toilet paper when my mom isn't here to,pick me up when my car won't start,listen to me have a small meltdown when things aren't going as 'planned',invite me into their homes for dinner,and just are there. For whatever. Whether it's a night out,a night in,a road trip,a pool dip,or an airport ride. These people weren't in my plan, but I can't imagine life without them. So maybe my life didn't go according to plan,but so what? It's better!

So much like I was unprepared for the day,when these big plans change, I tend to just be generally unprepared for them also. But what I've learned is that you just roll with it. You do what you have to do and make the best of every step along the way. I think that's the only way to handle being unprepared...kick into high gear and focus on what you have,what you can do,and the people around that are there to cheer you on,comfort you and love you.


Sure,we make plans. We try and make good decisions and orchestrate things the best we can, but things change,people change,plans change,life changes. And we can either flow with it, or curl up into the fetal position and refuse to go on. Which doesn't sound all that appealing to me. Or you either. That is just not living our best life.


So the one thing I know for sure about plans is that they change. And that's about the only 'plan' you can be sure of!

well,I can't beg you to stay or come back because obviously i've become a post-slacker. what I can tell you is that I have so many blogs in my head that I can't make sense of them, but it's all becoming clearer-so if you want to keep checking back-you might just get something.

most importantly and the reason I am posting BEFORE SCHOOL ON A MONDAY is to tell it to my blog world that I have a new niece Lyla June. She is is almost 7 months and she is just as perfect as she can be. perfect I tell ya. just perfect. did I mention she is precious,sweet,beautiful and my dad has already declared her a 'smart little thing.' She knows how to feed herself-which at the young age of 7 months is quite an accomplishment and all the more proves that she is an Ennis. We figure out eating young and quick. :) So now you'll get to be hearing about her. yay for John,yay for us! yay for new life!!

So that is the exciting news around the Ennis family of late. So glad I got to finally share it with the masses. ha!

On a different note,I almost went to school with that little sticker still on my new teacher khaki pants. Lovely.

I'm going to find some coffee and some third graders.

I'll be back soon!

you're probably not allowed to do this,but...

I am posting the words to one of my very favorite books...'oh,the places you'll go'

as I was reading it the other night with some kiddos- I couldn't help thinking how true it is...he kind of covers everything that happens in life-not specifically- but you know-the basics of life like succeeding, being confused, ending up in a Lurch and then finding your way out or being in that waiting place or being alone. I just think it covers life-and it's quite applicable. and until I have time to ponder the things going on in my life and put them on paper-this is what you get! so, even though my dad would make fun of me for saying this next word...

enjoy!!

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

happy birthday dear bubs

it's my bubs birthday!! yay! happy birthday to my favorite bubs! sad I couldn't be with the fam to celebrate(v sad the fam didn't invite me on family vacay!! haha)!

the list of what I love about my bubs is long and detailed, but I did think of a favorite story tonite after I got off the phone with him!!

the summer before I left for college, he took me to see Legally Blonde. Now, if you don't know my bubs or any of my other brothers, this is not a big deal-but if you do-you realize that this is huge. and sweet. so super sweet. and he did it without complaining. which is exactly how he is.

that same summer he also took me to Jims Place for lunch. he is truly wonderful! not just because he takes me to girly movies or to my favorite restaurant because he is THOUGHTFUL about everything.he's just the kind of boy any girl would be very lucky to marry.

so happy birthday my bubs! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU SO!

apologies,apologies

life got a little nuts for a couple of weeks with school starting back and all! but yes,I'm coming back...check back a little later!! I promise there will be something here!!!

part of a day in the life...

Well,I traveled to Memphis this weekend for to co-host with my mom a shower for my best friend,Cassie. It was great to see her and everyone else and it's always great to be home for a bit.(more on that later!) Anyways,once again I chronicled a little bit of the set up and will now share it with you for lack of anything else to say-but want of keeping you reading.

Just to put it in perspective...I worked hard cutting food inside...while dad got to get out his favorite tool, the Husqvarna(sp??) and go to town on some branches or something? I really think that working with that thing is as therapeutic as going for a walk is for me. So I'm glad when he does it, which is not to say that I don't make fun of the look in his eye when he cranks her up!



John worked hard, hard,hard all day and I just caught him wheelbarrowing around...but really folks...he worked hard. real hard. just like always. being a hard worker is a good,good thing.



while Ali kept close tabs on all the goings on...


Mom paid great attention to detail...



per usual...

and she was keeping Austin weird. we won't get into how attached she is to that shirt...

and in her spare time, she made this cake and a million other desserts as well as the main dish and cleaned the house and everything else she does. She is supermom,superhost,superwoman,supergrams...



but what did I do you ask? I cut these...



and almost got killed in a loss of power steering incident. But after it happened, I barely mentioned it at all. RIIIIIIIIGHT! Just ask m and D.

All in all it was a great weekend filled with family,laughing,almost meeting my maker,and good friends...



and a weekend like that is a good weekend indeed.

on a side note...I did feel a little bit like my mom the weekend before when I taught Elizabeth how to bake a cake and icing from scratch.



and with that of course I taught her the most important baking rule of all time-test anything yummy before you cook it-strictly to make sure it isn't poisonous...:)

ha to the ha ha ha ha ha

this photo was given to me...PRINTED OUT AT 5x7 size and suggested that my parents might want to frame it in the house.

thanks but no thanks.

no bathing suit photos framed after the age of 5 please.

thanks.

I can just hear my mom now, 'and this is our daughter,Mary...

isn't she cute in an awkward and ill-fitting nanny friendly leisure suit with more sand in the suit than is necessary.'

no.

hello,hello

i've been off the radar.

you know the drill.

had to submit something for school and work on job applications?

apparently, after college AND after grad school you're supposed to get a job?

who knew???

just kidding.

I did.

I'm back on the radar now though.

check back soon!! :)